I have been observing Normal people and how they show empathy and emotions in general
and I have been observing how Autistics show empathy and emotions .
I have also observed how I myself sense empathy and emotions in general !
I admit that I used to be VERY confused about my OWN feelings and although I am getting to know myself better or maybe I should say ; UNDERSTAND myself better , I think I was observing others and their emotions to better understand my own ( This probably sounds STRANGE ?!) .
From conversations that I have had with a variety of people , I learned that if you do NOT understand your emotions then it is not ONLY OK but also NORMAL and that EVERYBODY goes through that cycle !
I want to talk about an experience that I had a few months ago and I will try to make it short !
I use to go to a group where ONLY women would be present and these women were normal and I did my BEST to connect with them although I realize that there were only two women with whom I could relate to a certain degree because these women viewed the world similar to me meaning they had similar views about work , Role of women , Prejudice etc...
Once I got an e-mail from a woman who was not part of the group I went to but she was still part of our group ( If so to speak) and in the e-mail was a message about a little girl who was in the hospital due to a car accident !
Her parents were OK but the girl was in a comma :( !
The e-mail was sent to all of the women in the group and I offered to send a GET WELL card .
I send the card to the neighbor and after a week we all got the e-mail that the little girl died !
I was DEVASTATED !
I was so sad that I felt guilty and thought I maybe killed the little girl ( I get irrational when I am depressed or upset !) .
A few weeks later I send an e-mail to one of my friends from the group and asked about the little girl and all she said was : Yeah , It is sad .
My thoughts to this respond was ; Is that ALL she can say to this tragedy :( ?! .
A month later , I met the woman who send the e-mail about the little girl and I wanted to have a conversation with her and I thought we could share with each other how we felt about this LOSS although we were not related to this child , But again the only respond I got from this woman was : Yes, It is awful isn"t it ? and then she just left me with an opened mouth ( I was shocked ) .
So after this experience I was trying to understand WHY or what is the difference between US meaning why is it that normal people do not seem to to grieve or feel sadness and why was I CRYING after I heard of the girls death ? ! .
It is impossible to say that normal people do not have emotions and I will NEVER say that anyway , But I was indeed puzzled !
Although I am STILL learning to understand emotions and although I know that there have been MILLIONS of books written on that topic ( Kind of ironic) , I have made though an interesting observation ( A LOT of people who know me fairly well say that I like watching people ;) )
Normal people seem to show their empathy and emotions ( Like sadness ) by just saying ; That is SAD .
When Autistics feel emotions or empathy , Autistics ACTUALLY SHOW emotions by crying or having a temper tantrum or meltdown or being or just go MUTE for DAYS !
Today I also found out that if a normal person feels sadness and goes MUTE or cries then these people are sent to a PSYCHIATRIST , But if Autistics cry or go MUTE then somebody says : OH ! That person is AUTISTIC , him or her ALONE !
It seems that in our culture , If you feel like crying or screaming then you get sent to a psychiatrist then something is MENTALLY WRONG with you :( !
People have FORGOTTEN that crying , Feeling depressed , being sad is a part of BEING HUMAN
and I would say that if you do NOT have all the above emotions , THEN you DEFFINETELY need a psychiatrist !
Thank you for reading