Friday, August 3, 2018

Bullying

People are talking a lot about bullying again .

Especially on social media I see some people posting " Say no to bullying !" or " Stop The bullying !"

These are indeed good posts , But I think we should extend that subject to actually discussing bullying overall .

First of all have  group discussion that includes clarifying what bullying is .

Because bullying can and will happen anywhere !

whether in a school setting , Living environment or workplace or where you volunteer .

I personally never experienced bullying wherever I volunteer , But seriously ! Bullying can literally happen anywhere !

First off people and children / Adolescents have to learn what bullying is or what it looks like

Seconds , what causes bullying or why bullying happens .

This all maybe makes total sense , But although years go ny and people should know better , Bullying unfortunately keeps happening AND getting worse !

There are two ways to bully

1) Obvious bullying : Being violent towards others

2) Subtle bullying


Examples : In a school setting , A student kick another student , Pushing intentionally to hurt or stealing from another student or  other ways of physically harming a student .or taking something from a student and throwing somewhere .

Subtle bullying : A teacher or another student makes you feel uncomfortable or scared to speak up or not giving a student the opportunity to fix a mistake .

Subtle bullying is as common as obvious bullying but you have to pay close attention to notice !

And in subtle cases it is impossible to speak up especially for The one being bullied because you cannot prove it ! The only person who can speak up is The one paying attention .

It is simply not human nature to pay attention to each individual around you . But if you are paying attention to somebody acting nervous or out of place around somebody else then address the problem  by talking to the one who is feeling uncomfortable or speak to somebody like a Principle and simply share your observation . Or just be supportive by offering support to that individual .


You can seriously teach ANY child or adolescent this strategy !

And The same can be done in a College setting 



In a work environment  or where you volunteer , Goes The same !

Both types of bullying can exist .

Now let's go to The cause of bullying :

There are a few reasons for bullying .

We see this a lot !

In a school setting kids will bully another student simply because of jealousy.

It maybe sounds stupid but that is how life is !

Any student that is bullied by another student is being bullied because that particular student has something that another student or students want or is showing off something that other students want .
or are better at something .

In a work environment ,Although you would expect a certain level of maturity , Unfortunately not always the case . A co-worker can also subtly bully you by making you feel uncomfortable or scaring you from sharing your ideas at a meeting .

More obvious would be to make sure your phone is not working or telling the supervisor that you took their work from them and you need to prove your innocence .

Or The supervisor can also bully you because said supervisor thinks for reasons that only know  they know that you want their job .

Or treating you like you deserve less than you are capable of , That can happen in any setting as well and hard to prove .


Now The main problem is though that bullies RARELY acknowledge  bullying .

meaning you cannot stop bullying if people are not willing to acknowledge their behavior !

Even educating about bullying takes into consideration that people listening are aware of their behavior and or even care .( Just wanted to throw this out there )





Thank you for reading




Dusya












Thursday, June 28, 2018

Gratitude

If you have a family , Be grateful if said family is able to provide emotional ,Moral and or financial support and loves you .

If you have a job , Be grateful if you enjoy your job and enjoy working with everybody involved .

If you have an apartment , Be grateful that you have a ceiling over your head , Feel safe and can pay your rent without worrying what happens next month .

If you own a house , Be grateful that you can afford a house and that you are able to financially to keep it up .

If you have a car , Be grateful that you can afford said car with every responsibility that comes with it .

If you have friends , Be grateful that that they are genuine and sincere and care about you even when you cannot buy them an expensive vase or anything equivalent .

If you buy food , Be grateful if you have The financial resources to purchase even basic meals  .

Even if you are on Government assistance , Be thankful if you can buy The food you need on Government Assistance .

If you are financially well off , Be grateful if you can buy whatever your heart desires without worrying where you will get money for even your basic needs .

If you go to McDonald's or other fast food places and you eat said food because you are allergic to most foods except fast food products ( Some people cannot eat regular chicken or other food groups due to ingredients ) , Be grateful that you can afford to go at least twice a month or more .

If you can only buy food at certain places like WholeFoods or other food stores that are actually expensive but they have The food you can eat due to allergies , Please be grateful that you can afford it because many people get sick a lot because  they cannot afford to pay for the food they desperately need and thanks to The current health care system it can be very hard to convince health insurance companies to make an exception for said food purchases .



If you have a phone , Be grateful that you can afford one .
and if you  have a phone through Government Assistance , Be grateful that The Government provides you with said phone .

If you can afford to have a TV , Be grateful that you can afford it even if you have limited TV access .

If you have internet access , PLEASE be grateful for your internet access because not everybody has access for various reasons even in The U.S .


If you have a good doctor , PLEASE be grateful because having a doctor who knows what they are talking about is rare nowadays !



Thank you for reading


Dusya

Saturday, May 19, 2018

Being There For Eachother

There are  good men and bad men .Good women and bad women .

Throughout generations men have formed groups or circles for men to support eachother .

Same with women .Women have also created circles or groups to support eachother throughtout various struggles of life .

Men have been there for each other to support eachother through various life challeneges and offer feedback as needed .

Same for women .

Nowadays we still have these friendships and circles , But not as much as we used to.

Unfortunately nowadays we have more competition than friendships especially among women.

Although it is natural , It was never really about which woman has prettier hair or has better taste for dresses or purses or which woman is smarter .

Nowadays women rarely suppoort eachother through life struggles .
You are lucky if you are around women who are supportive !

Men help eachother or are SUPPOSED to help eachother .

Older / More experienced men help younger men and boys through various issues like dating , Job , academics , How to be a good man and or husabnd .

Same with women !

Older or more experienced women guide younger women and girls through daily life struggles .

wether it is fashion , dating , Academics or nowadays even career .

The more experienced women who grew to be emotionally and or mentally stronger would guide women and girls who needed help by walking The walk with them or taking their hand and doing whatever was needed step by step .

It was NEVER about strong women looking down at women and girls who do not know better !

Women say that men do not listen and that is why we have so many issues in this world !

I  agree and I disagree at The same time because as I said there are good AND bad men in this world .

I disagree though because women also stopped listening !

I am not talking though about ALL women . I am talking about some strong women who think they are better than everybody else and have The right to treat women who do not know bettter condoscendingly .

Strong women are OBLIGED to listen to women who need help and help them The best they can !

Women who need somebody to listen to them need a strong woman on their side to listen and to tell them " You are not alone ! I am here for you ! We will go through this together !"

And of course good men to listen and eventually say " What happened to you is wrong ! Tell me, How can I help you ?"

There is so much miscommuncation among women or lack thereof . It breaks my heart !

Because we have men and women who think  they are better , Prettier or smarter than others and so The so called " Smarter people should not be talking to those who need help " , Due to that particular mindset we have so many horrible situations now in this world .



Thank you for reading

Dusya



Thursday, May 10, 2018

I am fearing for this generation and The upcoming generation

In The recent months bills have come out to stop gun violence especially in schools .

Also in the recent months spanking children was hot a debate and considered by The majority of people as abuse .

And never mind that teachers are not allowed to punish a student because ANY form of punishment is considered ABUSE .


Now we have had more school shootings in The U.S than I care to count !

I do not have any children , But remembering how worried my mother always was when I was in school , I can imagine to an extent what these parents went through when they either heard that their kid was injured or even KILLED during any of The shootings that occurred recently !


Now I realize that we have more BULLYING and MORE VIOLENCE due  to lack of empathy and critical thinking skills !

A friend of mine on social media posted an article about a girl who hurt a boy with scissors in school because he lifted her dress and he was taken to The nurse . He was not seriously injured so he did not have to go to The hospital .

I do not remember if this girl was asked to leave The school for a few days as punishment for her actions or not , But I was HORRIFIED by The women responding to this article !

One woman , A mother seriously was defending The girl for defending herself with scissors !

she seriously said she would not defend her son if this happened to him

and another woman was also cheering this girl for her actions and I was dumbfound !

I was wondering if they had issues with men or in this case boys and asked what if a girl did The same to me because I did have a girl lift my dress in Middle school and one of The women responded that The gender was not The issue but The ASSAULT itself !

Again I was confused and asked a woman what she would do if I stepped on her foot on purpose and she seriously said she would definitely defend herself !

And one of them seriously said and I paraphrase " He was not so bad that he needed surgery !"

And another one said that she would defend herself because of her PTSD .

I have to say , At this point I was so speechless that I messaged my friend and told her that although I respect her , But I had to unfriend her to keep my sanity !


Reading The responses of these women was so shocking I just have no words !

If I had a  kid who lifts a dress of another student or anything else that is unacceptable , I would punish my kid with NO TV , NO HANGING OUT WITH FRIENDS , LESS MONTHLY ALLOWANCES or NO MONTHLY ALLOWANCE AT ALL or something else !

If you are being raped or in serious danger of your life , THEN you use scissors to defend yourself or even a gun !

In The 90's and earlier , If a boy was grabbing The bra  of a girl in school for instance , said girl would drag that boy into her bathroom and push his head and face into a toilet bowl to teach him a lesson . Or a student would be locked in The gym to stop said student from bullying others !

Considering scissors to defend yourself  because somebody lifts up your dress or stepping on your foot on purpose is something that a MADMAN does !


Civilized people do not use sharp equipment or utensils to defend themselves because somebody was being mean and pushed them ! This defense strategy is INSANE !

And teenagers should be learning to defend themselves in a civilized manner .

May I suggest offering a karate course in ALL schools to learn self defense ?!

I am serous !


This society is turning into a world of MADNESS if self defense means carrying scissors with you in case somebody kicks or brakes your nose ( Which has been happening for centuries in The youth culture ) .


Just food for thought


Thank you for reading


Dusya













Friday, April 27, 2018

Bill Cosby And White Privilege

 Bill Cosby has been accused for raping for a couple of years and been called to court TWICE ( I think ) .

He was convicted yesterday!

I know that The majority of women in The U.S will expect me to cheer with them about The fact that he was found guilty .

And although I am a woman , I have no intention to cheer about this !

Bill Cosby has been accused by a lot of women for rape and he said in enough interviews that these women did not say anything or show any sign that whatever he did with them was involuntary .

I have no intention to get mad at him for what he said in these interviews .

But I also want to bring to peoples attention a few other celebrities who have went through either The same accusations or similar .

I know you should not badmouth The dead but I am trying to make a point here !

Michael Jackson was accused for years for molesting or raping children .
I think he was taken to court but not sure . But he was constantly in Thr media because there were more and more adolescents speaking up about The abuse they endured because of Michael Jackson .

Now we have Donald Trump who is The current President of The U.S and he has more women accusing him of rape in an hour than for any man who was accused of ANY crime in general.
Has he been to court ? Has he been convicted?

The answer is NO to both questions!

Now let’s take The famous and beloved actor Stephen Collins who is most famously known for his character as Reverend Kampden ( I apologize if I miss spelled The name !)

He is also white , He confesses to his wife and therapist AND The media that he molested a few pre- teen girls !

Has he been called to court ? Has he been prosecuted ? , Have these young women who been molested by him went to court or demanded justice for what he did to them ?

The answer to all 3 questions is shockingly NO !

AND to make this even more interesting, Stephen Collins is walking around like nothing happened !

Not sure if he still gets any roles or not , BUT he is free to travel wherever he wants to and people seriously forgot about him !

So saying that justice was served by convicting Bill Cosby is a joke !

So thank you very much to The Justice System AND The media for truly showing me what WHITE privilege truly means and or even showing that they pick favorites !

Partly Sarcasm And Partly angry !



Thank you for reading



Dusya





Wednesday, March 14, 2018

Domestic violence , Rape AND Abuse

Anytime a man or woman or Transgender and or anybody who identifies as an LGBTQ  person reports any of The above mentioned , Said individual gets sent to see a therapist to " Talk about it " . My issue with this advice is that being listened to , Will NOT solve The problem !

Having said that , You " talk about it " and then go back to where you are being hurt and it starts all over again !


I myself have been LISTENING and wondering "  WHY would you stay with a person or partner  who does this to you ?! "


You MUST learn self respect AND Self love to leave such a horrible environment !

It took me a long time to understand The WHY !

I have been watching The news daily about immigration regulations , Housing support and shelter offers and people suggesting to talk to a social worker .

People who go through domestic violence and or other get often The advice to go a shelter or talk to a lawyer .

And although people do not understand how everything is interconnected , But if you listen to stories of people who went through some sort of violence , You will hear that some of these people do not leave because they do not want to go to a shelter , Some of them are worried about loosing their green card or other because they are married to The person who is hurting them and they are afraid that The court will side with the person hurting them due to legal reasons .

Especially when children are involved !



Some people will rather stay in an abusive situation because they do not want to go into a shelter because they heard horror stories !

And although there is assistance for victims of domestic abuse in regards to housing , but sometimes  The list is ridiculously LONG although it is an emergency situation !
Having said all this , On one hand listening is definetely helpful for people who went through or still are getting raped , Abused or going through domestic violence especially from The person they live with , But on The other hand havimg somebody to talk to about what is happening is NOT enough !

The system has to be changed !

Housing laws have to be improved !

Immigration laws have to be improved so that people who have a visa or green card through their partner CAN stay in The U.S and live a productive life without having to depend on their partner or spouse !

If The system would be improved in said areas then there would be less issues with shelters as well because most people who stay in shelters have gone through various traumatic situations as well !

Men and women and Transgender and or anybody who identifies as LGBTQ  !




Thank you for reading



Dusya




Saturday, January 27, 2018

Political Correctness And other Nonsense

I was born in The early 80's .

Throughout my ENTIRE school life , I NEVER had classmates who were all white or blond with blue eyes .

Not sure what people say nowadays about what it was like growing up in Boston , MA between 1980-2011 , But I personally cannot remember ever being around only WHITE people .

Besides being around different cultures when I visited my grandparents in Washington D.C and NY because they LOVED and cherished their inter-cultural friendships , I grew up around jews , Turkish people who were either muslim or Christian , People from Arabic countries or people who came from different arabic speaking countries where people also were either Christian or muslim , Greek people , Russian and people from The former Yugoslavian ( I apologize if I misspell any of The countries ! No matter how hard I tried to learn correct spelling and pronounciation , I had to be corrected CONSTANTLY ) .

I had a best friend when  I was a little girl , He was born here , But his parents and grandparents were from Greec .

In first grade , It was a mix of children who were although they were born here , But their parents were from some eastern Asian country , A few children who were blond with blue eyes , A few black children and a few who's parents were from Puerto Rico .

In second garde , Some children moved away and we had again a mix ,

We had les white children with dark hair but more black children and and a few Puerto Rico children . AND I had a black teacher who was never tired of educating us about The color of our skin !

We had children in class who would call each other name sBECAUSE of somebody was black or did not look Puerto Rican enough . We had plenty of discussions about racism and what that means
If a student acted racist , said was put in The corner and said student would cry . Our black teacher was stern but gentle at the same time .

Our black teacher would explain racism and why it is wrong by pointing to her own brown skin
" Many of us in this classroom have a different skin color , But that does not mean that any of us is better or worse than anybody in this class with a different skin color ! What matters is what is in our heart and how  we treat people !"

Then in 4th grade we had a few children with dark hair and blond hair . we had students now from former Yogoslavia .

I had a few muslim children in my class .

Then in middle school again I cannot remember being around ONLY kids from Boston or Massachusetts in general .

Middle and High school , A couple of us white students with dark hair and some students who's parents from Puerto Rico .

In every school I attended there was always a talk about racism and I learned that racism goes both ways . Of course I learned about bullying as well !

I cannot remember a year in my entire school life where i was not bullied or another student for being different in any way or being shamed .

I was called a fat sheep from first grade till 8th garde because I did not fit MODEL standards that many skinny girls in my class were copying .

Later on I was bullied or shamed because I did not dress like other girls my age ( I simply did not approve The fashion of that particular decade and at the same time I did not really know what my style was so I wore whatever my mother suggested me to wear ) .

Also girls and boys were treated differently and there were lots of discussions in classrooms and teachers thought their students critical thinking skills by teaching students to form an opion and or understand different point of views .


Nowadays appearantly discussions do not take place as much in classrooms as much . Students nowadays do not really form opions because they focus on the notion that their teacher is right in everything , Whatevver the issue is !

Gender , Politics , Science ....

And todays peoples idea of shaming somebody is different than it used to be in the early 80's .

In The mid 80's for instance , If a friend told another friend that " Purple is not her color " , That just meant that maybe try another color something like red , yellow or just any other color that looks appealing . "

Today if you would tell a friend that purple is not your color then that would be concidered shaming because you have the right to wear whatever color you want ( Sigh) .

Or Feminist getting offended when I  point out that we have women in science , Politics , Medicin and even women in CEO possitions .

I understand womens rights !

Women have the right to equal pay and right to education and opportunity and to be treated with respect by men !

Yes , I agree with that ! But why do  feminist want to ignore what we have achieved so far ?!

would it not make more sense to expand on what we have achieved ?


The reason I am sharing this is because everytime I share a perspective , I am being called sexist , Or I need to get educated about racism or any other issue .

I just find it ironic that I get called out in this way despite my long list of experience and I am not even starting a fight .





Thank you for reading


Dusya