Friday, June 21, 2019

PTSD , Depression and suicide hotlines

Before I start , I want to clarify that I am NOT anti medication or against anti depressants or other equivalent medication !

I am working a lot with depression right now . people who have depression and I myself have experienced depression every once in a while .

A couple of years ago I was living with a room mate . I had two different room mates actually within 3 years .  I am not saying that I am perfect by all means . I do want to point out that both room mates harassed me to The degree that I stayed away from our apartment as much as possible and only was home when it was time for bed . Both my room mates had issues . I have no idea about my first room mate , but my second room mate was on medication . I know that because she tried to poison me twice by mixing one of her medications into my soda bottles . I never complained or said anything because I could not prove it and I could not afford to go to The police to investigate without an obvious evidence .
Anyways , I was in a living situation and could not move out to a better place . due to my finances that was not an option . My only refugee or place where i could go to breath when I was stressed out from this room mate nonsense was either doing my volunteering or hanging out at a shelter where people keep to themselves a lot .

I had once a psychiatrist who subscribed to me anti depressants . I never took them though because i did not see The point in taking said medication when I was feeling panic due to my room mate situation .  Yes , I felt depressed and I felt worthless . I sensed that my room mate did not tolerate me breathing in her presence . I called the suicide hotline and I called the Samaritin to have somebody to talk to . 30 minutes tops The time they were willing to listen to me .

I am not sharing this for sympathy . I am sharing to tell you that I KNOW what depression is .

People in today's society think that if somebody is depressed / PTSD or other " It is just depression "

From a medical perspective I know that there are two causes for depression . One cause is something in the brain that is clicking right ( For a lack of better words) , the other one is that we as a society are causing depression as well .

I am not saying EVERYBODY I know is causing depression , I am talking about our society .

You know The saying " you have no idea what a particular person is going through " ?
Let me go deeper . When you ignore a person during a conversation , When you ignore a person who maybe needs a seat on The bus , Train or other , When you are driving fast and ignoring The street lights although you really have no reason to rush and a pedestrian is not able to cross the street because you ignore that person , When a person is ignored in any setting where they are trying to get services , all these scenarios make a person feel not wanted .

When you are in The system and have to rely on government assistance , You feel hopeless because of all The restrictions . Whatever State you live in , There is a restriction as to how much you are allowed to receive in foods tamps  ( I cannot get used to the term " snap benefits sorry ! ), SSI or SSDI . They put sometimes unreasonable restrictions on to you and sometimes they will give you more assistance and feels like a lottery win . When you have to manage living / Having fun despite all these challenges it is hard ! It is not impossible to travel / have fun , You have to get creative though .

Todays society is thought that if you feel lonely or depressed then it is because you have mental illness .

Sorry but here are too many grey areas ! 

If you are being abused in any shape or form or being neglected , You are not making it up ! it is really happening to you ! You are developing mental illness from from struggling for survival . You develop anxiety , PTSD / Trauma and I assure you it is NOT IN YOUR HEAD !

If you are being treated like you are just a number without human dignity then you are not making this up . It is really happening to you !

And if you actually have a good life and have mental health issues , I do respect that . I simply do not respect The fact that everybody gets anti depressant thrown in their mouth because of their mental health issues .

I wish doctors would get to the bottom of depression ( what is causing it ? ) and not just give you medicine .  The psychiatrist who prescribed anti depressant knew about my room mate situation and gave me said medication so that I " forget my situation " or something like that .

Although I was never forced to take said medication , It makes me cringe that as soon as you have depression or  other then you instantly get prescribed meds.

I repeat ; Depression is NOT THAT SIMPLE !

I personally cannot do much about this because I am not part of The psychiatric society or whatever they are called . But because I do work in holistic medicine I know for a fact that there are different approaches and medication is NOT The only way .

I am done with my rant .

Thank you


Monday, May 27, 2019

Being a survivor , Survivor Guilt And History


We have survivors from all walks of life .

We have people who survived The Holocaust .

We have people who survived different kinds of wars

We have people who survived a crash whether it is a car crash, Plane crash , train or other kind of vehicle crash .

We have people who survived bombings !

We have people who survived domestic violence and or rape .

And even if certain people did not have to survive a war , they witnessed though every part of history whether it is The great depression or other historical events .

I believe that all these people survived / witnessed important world events so that they could share with us ( Future generation ) what they saw so that we learn from their experiences and NOT repeat again !

It is actually quite easy to verify witness and or survivor information because many of these people wrote dairies and or simply an autobiography .

Unfortunately many people in our society have no interest in listening and rather accuse these people of being liars because they survived or witness The events they talk about .

I will not agree or disagree with the statement that said witnesses or survivors are MAYBE making up a story to be famous , But if you really think that a particular person is lying , it is really easy to fact check the information because guess what ! we have now The " WWW " so google their name or go to The library and check their name . It is really that simple .

The sad part is that some of these people who are actually survivors turn to " Survivor guilt " because people point at them for being alive .

Some popular quotes ;

" if that really happened to you , How did you survive and they are all dead ?!"

" If you were really abused and or beaten , why did you not leave earlier ?!"

" If you really had all these experiences , why are you not rich by now ?! You should be a millionaire !"

Or " You know all this because of your past experiences so you should be making money and giving all those assholes a piece of your mind !"

As IF it is that simple ( Facepalm ) !

And never mind that people are ignoring The stories of survivors and already changing history by removing literature with stories from people who actually lived during a particular time period .

The present generation is already mocking people who lived through the holocaust and or immigrated to The U.S because of persecution in their countries  .

" You are lying or you are just bitter about something "

"You cannot be telling The truth because our history books tell a different story "

Well , Obviously The Department of Education or whoever is responsible for our history books has no interest in asking our senior citizens "what happened ?"

 The next thing that happens is that some people who are survivors develop survivors guilt and some even commit suicide .

 OR those who survived the holocaust for instance die due to age or disease and then society has The excuse that history books describe so and so because those who lived it are not with us anymore .

Why are books about Helen Keller or biographies from Laura Ingalls  Wilder removed or The book about the Mocking bird ? ( Figurativley asking )

Yes , they have words in them that were quite common in those days and INEXCUSABLE in our society . That is true , but they are HISTORY .

If you remove these books then there will be no evidence about slavery and other and history can repeat itself !

It is really not that hard to teach children respect and how to show respect

it is really not that hard to have a talk with a kid or kids and say "you see these words in this book ? yes people in The past use these words but they are disrespectful and condescending and derogatory ! We know better and do NOT ever use these terms anymore because EVERYBODY deserves to be treated with dignity and respect !"

Thank you


Saturday, May 4, 2019

The term " I am woke "

I am seeing a lot of people use this term which tells me that society has made this term " fashionable " .

I would have ignored and cut people some slack for using this word even when they are using this word in The wrong context ,but after seeing people misusing "woke" and hiding behind this word when they do not want to admit that they are racist , homophobic and or simply assholes . I decided that  I MUST speak up !

First of all , If you google that word you will see that Woke is a political term  of African American origin .

Seconds , It is a SLANG . The actual term is " I am awake "

Just an FYI : I am a member of a few spiritual groups and NOBODY uses The term " Woke "

Also I want to point out that a lot of people will say though that they are woke just because they want to look and sound " Cool"

The truth of The matter is that being awake is not about being "Cool" .

In spiritual groups , Being awake simply means being aware of your surroundings . Being aware of The people you interact with AND most importantly being aware of yourself .

When you are aware of yourself you are aware of your issues . You own your issues . You take responsibility for yourself and your actions .

For example , If you were a racist in The past and something happened in your life that made you realize how dumb or irrational your racist mentality was then you own it . When you are having a conversation with a group of people or just one person and racism happens to come up , You are open and share your experiences and take responsibilities for your actions towards The marginalized group you either attacked verbally or with actions . And you advocate your support for said group by volunteering or donating money to said group .

Also in many spiritual groups , members usually do not say " I am awake " . With that in mind , You know that they are awake because they talk about justice and how communities can and should show support to communities in poverty . They are simply aware of The Government and where The Government is missing innovative ideas and these people simply develop a passion for any marginalized group they feel they want to support .

Many of these people donate money and or time without talking about it really .

They will go to  women's marches , ADA events and or any other event that they know needs as much support as possible .

Also these people who are awake , They will treat you with respect and dignity as you deserve as a human being . They do  not care if YOU are awake . They will value your perspectives and differences . And if they think you are being a jerk , They will still be respectful and respectfully point out where you can learn more about an issue that they think you are being judgmental or hateful about .

These people respect that everybody has faults because NOBODY is perfect .

In these groups nobody cares what your religion is or where you come from . You can be Muslim , Catholic , Jewish , Buddhist or whatever other religion is out there . In these groups you are simply seen as a human being who deserves to be heard and treated with dignity and respect .

If you want to share your religious views and where you are from and about your culture , That is alright as long as each party is being respectful .

For me personally the best part about being around people who attend spiritual groups is that you always learn something new and have " Aha" moments ! You learn a new perspective about different issues .

Some people after attending a spiritual group feel uncomfortable  afterwards because they feel like somebody burst a bubble or belief they had and they do not like it .

If these people get really upset then they will come up with The most appalling accusations because they felt humiliated or insulted although all that happened was that their faults were pointed out .

It is human nature to not want to face where you were mistaken .

And other people find their experience eye opening and inspiring and decide to come again .

Thank you for reading


Wednesday, April 17, 2019

Three fires !

First a fire at Notre - Dam , Then Mosque in Jerusalem and if that is not enough, Apso The National museum in Brazil !

This has to stop !

All three buildings are masterpieces !

Only people who hate culture of any kind could accept such distraction !

We NEED culture now more than ever !

We have now young people growing up who are ignorant and lack morals and ethics .

Yes there are thankfully rich people who are offering their money to restore some of these buildings and I am grateful to them . And yes I agree that this money should also be used to pay for food and clothing and stop poverty !

But The point is that The present and future generation is growing ignorant of values .

And who knows, Maybe these generous rich people are not as generous as they seem . Maybe strings are attached .

But these three buildings being on fire tells me that future generations will have no respect for history or culture and eventually even deny anything that is precious to our present and past generations.

Thank you



I deeply saddened by The fire that occurred on said church !

I am devastated !

I am commenting a lot about Notre-Dam on social media and I think it is obvious that I am very passionate about this issue !

I want to first off start by clarifying that I am not catholic . I am
Spiritual but I am not catholic .

In previous posts I mentioned that I used to study religions and their history. I actually continued my studies recently again and in more depth .

What I find interesting that people rather shame or ridicule somebody who is passionate about a particular subject . If you cannot relate or empathize then that is OK . Just leave it or The person alone or ask why this person is so passionate or upset about a particular issue .
From my studies I learned The significance of Notre-Dam . I do not expect people to
Understand me .

I learned that Notre-Dam is closely connected to The history of Jesus and people’s understanding of who he was . And Notre-Dam is actually The ONLY or second only church that is related to The history of Jesus . And never mind all The famous activists who were hanged  at Notre-Dam especially women who way Beyond their time and advocated for justice !

I do not expect people to believe or care about this subject. But PLEASE do not ridicule or shame people who care about ancient history !

Thank you


Friday, December 28, 2018


Ok , I am going to talk about basics of advocacy here .

I am fed up and because I am fed up I do not care if I loose friends over this !

I have been doing advocacy for almost 10 years .

And I have attended / Been part of advocacy groups also for almost 10 years .

I have noticed that a lot of advocates confuse conferences or advocacy meetings with therapy sessions . Call me an asshole , But this has been my observation throughout The years .

Now let's go to basics ; Being an advocate means literally doing advocacy with or without background of a degree in Law . You MUST have a thick skin , Have a sense of humor and accept losses .

When I say "Accept losses " I mean you have to accept that a Legislator, Senator does not want to talk to you and or simply does not care about your issue . You have to accept that a State Representative does not care about your issue , Does not like you for whatever reason  and or insults you .

Your personal feelings are here COMPLETELY irrelevant !  What matters though is that you are fighting for what is RIGHT .

I can assure you that every Lobbyiest , Senator , Governor and even every President of our country has been in some  way insulted or humiliated whether openly or in private . That is simply part of politics .

Never mind gossip whether true or false that happens in prominent law offices . And rest assured that Judges get bullied as well .

I am not referring here to any particular President or other Government official or lawmaker .

This has been happening for decades !

And honestly it does not matter what you are advocating about . You will always find a State Rep. Who cares as much about your issues as about Black Friday . And if this does not make sense then here is another one ; Some State officials care more about restaurants that serve The BEST pasta in town than about actual human life .

So your job is to convince these people that pasta is made by humans ! And without humans there would not be a good cook to make great pasta !  I am intentionally using strange humor here because you HAVE to be able to connect with politicians to convince them WHY your cause is so important !

If this is not something you can do then that is OK . You are maybe better at getting their attention by protesting to get your message across and that will work as well !

If you feel insulted then that is natural . Vent on social media about it or to your friends , But keep going to prove that you are BETTER than their insults and that you are The bigger person !

If necessary start a peer support group for advocates where you can vent and share encouragement to keep up fighting for The right thing .

Also watch documentaries about famous people who fought for justice . And if you cannot relate to that particular person , Then keep in mind that if you are impressed with The person you are watching about then use that person as a role model for YOUR advocacy !

Who knows ! Maybe you will be The next person a documentary will be filmed about in 50 years !

Thank you for reading


Wednesday, October 31, 2018

Donald Trump and his newest talk about born U.S Citizens

I do not have openly nervous breakdowns when I listen to Donald Trump , But I am ALWAYS paying attention to his newest plan ( If so to speak ) .

I grew up around immigrants who came to The U.S when they were already adults / in their early 50's .

My family immigrated in The mid forties so Immigration is close to my heart .

I worry a lot about Mexican's , People from Arabic countries and Turkish people , To keep it short , Everybody who he is attacking and who he has not attacked YET !

This may sound silly , But I even worry about The people who have passed on but would have been attacked by him if they were still alive !

And I thank The higher power that said people are not with us anymore because they would otherwise fear fro their lives !

Donald Trump's latest project ( For a lack of better wording ) is to revoke The U.S Citizenship for all Americans born here to immigrants .

I do not quite understand all The details and I am not sure it will make sense to explain it to me because

I am too scared to think clearly ! I know rationally and by law his new IDEA is not possible due to The Constitution and other , But one of my issues are that he obviously has NO IDEA of The implications of his IDEA !

Besides that  we all were Immigrants at some point when our ancestors immigrated to The U.S including his parents .....

People say that parents who are naturalized or permanent residents do not have to fear either .

But there is something else that they are forgetting !

We have people born in The U.S who at some point in thier lives were kidnapped or something else horrible happened to them and these people cannot identify who they are !

Some people are able to identify themselves after brain damage , Trauma or kidnapping after disappearing for more than 15 years !

But there are cases where people who went through The above mentioned circumstances and cannot tell The FBI or police who they are !

No Social Security , Finger print or anything else identifiable of their identity and worst part nobody claims these people because of loss of hope or moved away or passed on.

Some people are called JANE DOE temporarily and some people are JANE or JON DOE for a life time !

What will Donald Trump do with them ?!

I know that The FBI and other Federal Agencies will protect people , I am concerned about what laws can be enforced under Donald Trump !

As I said , I know that lots of lawyers say that his rhetoric does not do much because there are laws , But I also know that there are people in Congress and even if a small circle of people , They will agree with him .

Thank you for reading