Sunday, April 7, 2013

Perspectives: The difference between EMPATHY And MINDFULNESS

Perspectives: The difference between EMPATHY And MINDFULNESS: Autistic people are being said NOT to have EMPATHY . Well ,  I will say Autistic people HAVE EMPATHY  but do not SHOW it the way MOST peop...

The difference between EMPATHY And MINDFULNESS

Autistic people are being said NOT to have EMPATHY .

Well ,  I will say Autistic people HAVE EMPATHY  but do not SHOW it the way MOST people would !

I will stop talking now about what I think and I will not advertise my opinions here either .

I will ONLY talk about my observations .

My observation is that we are PROBABLY confusing EMPATHY with MINDFULNESS meaning when we talk about empathy or complain that SOME people do not HAVE EMPATHY , I am starting to wonder if instead of saying these people have NO EMPATHY ; What some people actually mean is : These people are NOT MINDFUL !

I was present when two women were having a conversation and of them was complaining that The general population sais that Autistics do not have empathy and when she was pointing something out that some people did not comprehend  rhetorically she said then : And they say WE do not have empathy :( !

Some Autistic people  because of their brain difference are NOT able to be in a room where there is TOO MUCH noise / TV is EXTREEMLY loud , People talking loud because of all the noise around them etc....


Such an environment could be called " AUTISTIC  UNFRIENDLY "  If a person without a neurological difference were to be in such a room , xe would consider that whoever is responsible for the loud TV and all the people talking loud BECAUSE of the loud TV is NOT being MINDFUL !

I am going to go now MORE into details about mindfulness .

Being mindful JUST means common courtesy of your surrounding .

You go on a bus in the city and you will DEFINITELY discover that the buses are AUTISTIC UNFRIENDLY because people on the bus are talking loud to each other or into their phone or listening to loud music .

It is actually considered commonsense / courtesy not to do any of the above AND it is considered being MINDFUL of your surrounding .

So an Autistic individual will say that the bus is autistic unfriendly  and that the people on the bus have NO EMPATHY ! A person who was just raised to be considerate will say that the people on the bus are NOT MINDFUL !

So Autistic people because of their neurology CANNOT be in a loud room or be in the middle of a group that is having an INTENSE argument ! Can you blame Autistic people for not tolerating a HUGE amount of noise ?!  I do not think so :\ !

Most Autistic Adults do not tolerate people talking about Autism Speaks in a positive way because Autistic Adults do NOT believe that Autism Speaks is supportive and so Autistic adults just ask not to talk about Autism speaks , But most people who are NOT familiar with Autism will just look blunt at someone who sais : Please do not talk about Autism Speaks , I do not like them and I do not agree with them and I do not trust them !  So any individual who considers him or herself a considerate person could just say : OH ! I am sorry ! Do you mind if I ask WHY you are bothered by Autism Speaks ?  ( That is by the way called MINDFULNESS ! )  but NO ! They rather just look at you confused and walk away like nothing happened .

You see , Autistic people are mindful , Honest and considerate people who have empathy but show it by just standing there with a sad face or or offering you a hug or patting your arm or hand .

I have the feeling that most people have forgotten what MINDFULNESS is or consideration , But fortunately Autistic people have NOT forgotten and NEVER will .

Thank you for reading


DUSYA

Wednesday, April 3, 2013

Perspectives: The DIFFERENCE between NORMAL ( NT"S ) and AUTIST...

Perspectives: The DIFFERENCE between NORMAL ( NT"S ) and AUTIST...: I have been observing Normal people and how they show empathy and emotions in general and I have been observing how Autistics show empathy...

The DIFFERENCE between NORMAL ( NT"S ) and AUTISTIC people

I have been observing Normal people and how they show empathy and emotions in general

and I have been observing how Autistics show empathy and emotions .

I have also observed how I myself sense empathy and emotions in general !

I admit that I used to be VERY confused about my OWN feelings and although I am getting to know myself better or maybe I should say ; UNDERSTAND myself better , I think I was observing others and their emotions to better understand my own ( This probably sounds STRANGE ?!) .

From conversations that I have had with a variety of people , I learned that if you do NOT understand your emotions then it is not ONLY OK but also NORMAL and that EVERYBODY goes through that cycle !

I want to talk about an experience that I had a few months ago and I will try to make it short !


I use to go to a group where ONLY women would be present and these women were normal  and I did my BEST to connect with them although I realize that there were only two women with whom I could relate to a certain degree because these women viewed the world similar to me meaning they had similar views about work , Role of women , Prejudice etc...

Once I got an e-mail from a woman who was not part of the group I went to but she was still part of our group ( If so to speak) and in the e-mail was a message about a little girl who was in the hospital due to a car accident !

Her parents were OK  but the girl was in a comma :( !

The e-mail was sent to all of the women in the group and I offered to send a GET WELL card .

I send the card to the neighbor and after a week we all got the e-mail that the little girl died !

I was DEVASTATED  !

I was so sad that I felt guilty and thought I maybe killed the little girl ( I get irrational when I am depressed or upset !)  .

A few weeks later I send an e-mail to one of my friends from the group and asked about the little girl and all she said was : Yeah , It is sad .

My thoughts to this respond was ; Is that ALL she can say to this tragedy :(  ?! .

A month later , I met the woman who send the e-mail about the little girl and I wanted to have a conversation with her and I thought we could share with each  other how we felt about this LOSS although we were not related to this child , But again the only respond I got from this woman was : Yes, It is awful isn"t it ?  and then she just left me with an opened mouth ( I was shocked ) .

So after this experience I was trying to understand WHY or what is the difference between US meaning why is it that normal people do not seem to to grieve or feel sadness and why was I CRYING after I heard of the girls death ? ! .

It is impossible to  say that normal people do not have emotions and I will NEVER say that anyway , But I was indeed puzzled !

Although I am STILL learning to understand emotions and although I know that there have been MILLIONS of books written on that topic ( Kind of ironic) , I have made  though an interesting observation  ( A LOT of people who know me fairly well say that I like watching people ;)  )

Normal people seem to show their empathy and emotions ( Like sadness ) by just saying ; That is SAD .

When Autistics feel emotions or empathy , Autistics ACTUALLY SHOW emotions by crying or having a temper tantrum or meltdown or being or just go MUTE for DAYS !

Today I also found out that if a normal person feels sadness and goes MUTE or cries then these people are sent to a PSYCHIATRIST , But if Autistics cry or go MUTE then somebody says : OH ! That person is AUTISTIC , him or her ALONE !

It seems that in our culture , If you feel like crying or screaming then you get sent to a psychiatrist then something is MENTALLY WRONG with you :( !


People have FORGOTTEN that crying , Feeling depressed , being sad is a part of BEING HUMAN

and I would say that if you do NOT have all the above emotions , THEN you DEFFINETELY need a psychiatrist !



Thank you for reading


DUSYA